Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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