No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
