On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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