Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
