Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize