i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
