You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
