Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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