Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
