I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
