New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
His nipple licking is glorious
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