She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
