Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
two words: eviction party
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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