I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
