Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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