I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
