I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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