I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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