problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
