I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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