I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
