just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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