so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
