If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
