They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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