I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
