it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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