Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
