i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
