I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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