Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
