What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
