I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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