What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
