just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
