omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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