that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just gift wrapped bread.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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