i don't like sucking hair
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
