He disabled his match.com account in front of me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im holly from the hills drunk
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
