Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
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Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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