My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
