Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
