Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
