Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Success! We fucked roommates!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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