he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
