goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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