Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
