he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
