i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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