Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
