i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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