the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
