Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
