Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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