THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I want a musical about memes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
