I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
