I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
