my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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