woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
