M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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