Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
