too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
