It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
