Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she looked like the before picture.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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