smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
