i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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