My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
