I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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