We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
