If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
