did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
