so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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