I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sext me about skeletons
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