I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
