I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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