Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
