Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
