Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
