I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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